Vasectomy

Lyrics and music by Larry Heagle
except: "double-strapped my thighs" contributed by Robert One Man Johnson

This is a song that discusses a subject rarely mentioned in folk music: minor surgery!

Well, I went to see my Doctor,
I said, "Doc, I can't pay my bills!
The rent's all spent, 
The truck's got a dent, 
And I think I'm gettin' the chills
From being forced to sleep alone,
You see this house just ain't no home,
I can't afford no kids, 
My life is on the skids,
'Cause my woman says
"Leave me alone,
Unless you get a vasectomy!
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Just one little male alteration
Can keep us from another altercation!
Get a vasectomy!
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Oh what a vas deferens there could be!"

Well, the next thing I know,
I'm laying on a table 
With a light shinin' in my eyes!
They strapped my wrists,
They strapped my ankles,
And they double-strapped my thighs!

The nurses were a gigglin' 
And I was a wigglin', 
Most uncomfortably,
When the Doc walked in, 
With a perverted grin,
And here's what he said to me:

"It only hurts 
For a little while,
That's what they tell me,
That's what they say!"

Oooeeeiy! Ooooh! Aiiiy Oh!

Well, it's two weeks later, 
And I feel a little better,
My mind is more at ease.
The rent's still spent,
The truck's got a dent,
But my woman's no longer a tease!

And even down at the office,
There is a lot more interest in me,
The girls all grin when I walk in!
And brother, they mean to please
A man with a vasectomy,
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Like a sun-kissed orange, 
I've been squeezed,
'Cause its all juice and there's no seed!

Well, a vasedctomy!
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Oh what a vas deferens!
It's beginnin' to make a little sense!
Oh what a vas deferens there could...'

Here is the part that I like the most,
It takes the danger out of bein' close!

Oh what a vas deferens there could..

They snip those little suckers right in two 
And clamp 'em of with super-glue!

Oh what a vas deferens there could be!